Saturday, May 15, 2010

RECIPE FOR DISASTER

My husband and I are not nearly as cute as the Tripplehorns. If you don’t know who the Tripplehorns are, you aren’t getting out enough. While we are not as young or cute as the couple in the movie, we have had our share of date night calamities.

My first horrible restaurant recollection: the night of my 50th birthday, when my nerdy husband decided it would be funny to have our friends call me on my cell phone at intervals throughout the evening to wish me well. The first call was hilarious! After the tenth call, I was furious, the other patrons were seething at the constant beeping, and I developed acid reflux.

Restaurants these days rarely have dress codes. Americans are notorious for wearing golf shirts and sneakers everywhere. So when we were on vacation in New York, Charlie confidently made reservations at a fine eatery, reassuring me that our attire was entirely appropriate. Upon arrival, the maitre d’ offered us a pair of pantyhose and a necktie.

Dinner and a movie sound fun. But dinner IN THE MOVIE isn’t. At our local theatre, you can get pizza, hot dogs, Starbucks and funnel cakes right in the lobby. We were bored and hungry one Friday night, and so we decided to try it. While juggling his pizza, Charlie knocked my arm off the armrest, causing me to spill my Belgian Caramel half-caff Mocha Latte all over the lap of the woman next to me. We missed all the good sex scenes while mopping up.

Having friends over for dinner is a no brainer. Smart hostesses serve tried and true recipes with sure-fire desserts purchased from the bakery. I, on the other hand, in a social climbing frenzy, hired a chef and invited around a dozen guests for dinner. That evening began with lovely cascades of snow which quickly developed into a blizzard. The guests all arrived bedecked in their finery, but the chef got lost in the whiteout. At nine o’clock, with no chef in sight, we broke out the Cheerios. We have not seen those twelve people since.

This year, we celebrated our 40th wedding anniversary. We are now very old, and very wise. We had the foolproof date night: Pizza carry-out, two bottles of wine, HBO, and Klondike Bars.

20 comments:

  1. Well, happy 40 years of marriage.

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  2. ROFL! I can see it now! Older, and wiser, indeed--pizza, wine & klondike bars sound like winners to me! ;-) Happy 40th!

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  3. Your perfect date night sounds just like my own, and that is exactly how I figured out I was old. I now prefer staying in, movie over by 8, and bedtime calling. And the funny thing is, I don't care. I'm actually sorta happy about it. Because now I figure I can blame a whole lotta things on being old. Grumpy?...hey, I'm old. Gassy?...Old. You see how it goes. :)

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  4. My husband and I have become adept at eating in the car because he is becoming antisocial. If a restaurant looks a little too busy, he just goes through a fastfood driveup. It is very romantic, as you can imagine. Too bad outdoor drive-in theaters have all gone out of business. That would probably be the perfect culmination to date night. Wouldn't matter what we wear, we wouldn't annoy anyone around us, and my husband could fall asleep during the movie if there wasn't enough action for him.
    He'd prefer the pizza and klondike bars too, if he didn't have to go out.

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  5. One date night I will always remember -- my husband, his brother and wife and I went to the movie to see "Deliverance". I was in a state of shock (naive young thing that I was) after the movie. We went to eat dinner afterwards and I ordered pressed duck. My dining partners thought it amusing to encourage me to spread the hot Chinese mustard on like yellow mustard and take a big bite, which I did. I will never forget that "near-death" feeling and will always associate it with the movie "Deliverance."

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  6. Annie, so funny! Thank you all for the great comments. I am so happy you vist my blog.

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  7. Dinner party tip: we threw a very dressy dinner party and served takeout Chinese food. It was perfect ( to me at least ;)

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  8. Happy Anniversary!
    Watch The Out of Towners, Jack Lemmon & Sandy Dennis. Oh my GOD (that's Sandy Dennis), what a night of calamities.

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  9. Funny, and I can relate. My wife thinks Klondike bars are VERY romantic!

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  10. Happy anniversary. I cracked up over and over and over reading this!

    It was one entire snort-larf from the beginning to the end.

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  11. Molly, such a funny post, especially the pantyhose. Really? Do they do that? Congratulations on your Ruby Wedding Anniversary... and on your Erma Bombeck Prize!
    I have a Charlie too :)

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  12. Hilarious, thank you for making me smile and laugh!
    Wow, 40 years, congratulations.

    Elle

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  13. LOL, so funny! Happy 40th! My husband and I don't have many date nights, mainly because he's a carry out pizza kinda guy. Not sure I want to risk a date night now, lol.

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  14. Pizza and Klondike bars? Well, whatever makes you happy.

    (I'm still trying to absorb this)

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  15. Missed the sex scenes while mopping up? Oh dear.

    40 years, a long time and especially in this day and age, here's to many more years together.

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  16. Well, you all know that there is such a thing as "artistic license?" I will leave it at that. Thanks for visiting, IT MAKES MY DAY! molly

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  17. Here in Portland? There is a fabulous movie theater with overstuffed chairs and couches and coffee tables. They serve good food, beer, and snacks of all sorts.

    It's like being in a giant living room watching a great movie. With friends and beer and food! And comfy chairs!

    Best date night ever.

    Well, not ever. But your site is G-rated.

    And you married young!

    Kris@prettyalltrue.com

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  18. I love you all. New post pending, I was in Columbus on a Segway tour today. Keep checking back. m

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  19. Hi:) you have a great way to write ! You are beautiful inside and outside. see you later :)

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