Saturday, June 5, 2010

CHALK AND CHEESE

It’s no secret that my husband and I are different. Opposites attract, as we all know. But nowhere is this more apparent than in our approaches to what we do in our spare time. My husband has prepared a Powerpoint presentation on “The Origins of Life,” which he totes around with him on his laptop and extols to unsuspecting people he invites out for coffee. Charlie ponders what motivates people to do the things they do. I like to read a lot of books, but I don’t particularly want to be in a book club. I don’t like to overthink things.

Charlie likes people who have vast compendiums of knowledge. When asked a “yes or no” question, he always answers by saying “Well, there are a number of issues involved.” Charlie likes to go to plays and then discuss their ramifications afterwards. I like to leave at intermission and get a good night’s sleep.

We once met a couple who both had their doctorates in some sort of ancient, historical or mythical subject matter. To add to their cachet, they hardly spoke English. We spent an evening with them eating wonderful food, but discussing something that sounded to me like sacrificing goats and then roasting the meat. Charlie just loved these people. He has wanted to have them over for dinner for the longest time. I just saw a “SOLD” sign in front of their house. I am ecstatic.

In restaurants, we can never place our order the first time the waitress asks, because Charlie STUDIES the menu. He orders exactly as listed. For instance, I order “The fried fish.” He orders “The fresh Tilapia, dusted with cornmeal and lightly fried, with sautéed apples and freshly baked biscuits.” For crying out loud, there is only one fish choice on the menu! Then he asks what kind of COFFEE BEANS they use. Sounds like a real epicure, right? But this is at THE CRACKER BARREL.

Charlie is intrigued by “BEAUTY.” It’s not what you think. He wonders what it is that triggers someone to call a thing beautiful, when that same thing might be uninspiring to somebody else. He tries to engage me in this subject:

HIM: Do you think that rosebush is beautiful?

ME: Sure.

HIM: No, really. Look at the composition of the rosebush juxtaposed with the fence.

ME: It’s fine.

HIM: But what IS beauty? Do you think there is a kind of beauty in ugly things, like that tractor over there?

ME: What tractor? And by the way, you can speed up; the speed limit along here is 65.

HIM: But what is beautiful to YOU?

ME: Getting home quickly. I have to pee.

Slow married fast. Deep married shallow. The long of it and the short of it got hitched. Chalk and cheese have managed somehow to stay together for forty years. Charlie is preparing a Powerpoint presentation on the subject--care to have coffee?

28 comments:

  1. That was hysterical. I liked the menu thing. So funny. My hubby won't ever order anything new. Unless I have been to the resturant before and tried something "he would like".

    40 years. congrats to you. We just celebrated 31.

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  2. Oh, I just love this post. You are "entertainingly" funny LOL! Is that even a word?
    I needed this today.

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  3. Molly,

    Sure, I'd love some coffee. What kinds of beans do you use? LOL ;)

    Tammy

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  4. Sounds like us-lol-he likes country music, I like 80'rock. He likes baseball, I like taking photos of butterflies. He goes to bed at 9, I'm the night owl. He eats meat at every meal, I'm borderline vegetarian. And yet we have stayed married 55 years. Nearly incomprehensible.
    Lois

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  5. It is amazing how we all manage our differences, isn't it? Thanks for your comments. And Tammy, we use "Chock Full of Nuts." Appropriate, don't you think? molly

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  6. So true. 38 years for us. He's been retired for five years and is content to read books all day. I can't imagine not going to work and helping docs take care of their patients...plus they actually pay me to do something I love!

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  7. What a wonderful post. So funny! I love what is beautiful to you. Getting home is beautiful to me, too. I really want to meet Charlie now.

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  8. If Charlie wants to talk about Geology, 20th Century literature, particle physics, woodworking, literary criticism, the poetry of Robert Burns, lightning protection code revisions, and/or how to get stains out of cloth diapers, I'd me more'n happy to come over for coffee.... :)

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  9. 40 years, a long time. Opposites do indeed attract and yet I bet you also share so many things, have similar core values. Would love a cuppa Molly, mine's tea, no milk and no sugar - I like it so weak you can see the bottom of the cup. I'll be over in 10.

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  10. At least your husband doesn't order the way Meg Ryan did in When Harry Met Sally.

    Coffee beans? I have a relative who has to grind the beans before he makes a cup for me. By the time it's all ready, I don't want it anymore!

    You sound like the perfect couple. Serious and funny! :D

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  11. I have met your husband in many guises over the years. A car enthusiast. A family tree virtuoso. My own husband who could discuss joists with you at length. Many men are details people. Lucky they have us to give them the big picture! :-)

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  12. I don't know how I missed this one but it's my new favorite post of yours. I laughed out loud (the dog gave me a funny look). My husband uses the expression "chalk and cheese", but I'd not heard it before and thought it was a Britishism. Your description of ordering in a restaurant cracked me up. While not identical, we have a similar situation in my marriage; husband is the pondering, analytical one and I'm "get 'er done". Well, maybe not quite like that, but generally he's big picture and I'm details. Thanks for sharing this and for writing it with such humor.

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  13. Ha-ha! I think I fall somewhere in between you and your husband. I'm all for a good philosophical discussion, but not when I have to pee. ;)

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  14. Maybe that's the secret to a long and happy marriage. My husband likes to discuss the viscosity of motor oil whilst I want to pontificate on the breakup of Speidi. He listens to the lyrics of every song. I just like it if it has a good tune. Somehow we manage to meet in the middle. Mostly.

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  15. Very funny! I am sure this is the secret of longevity in a relationship!

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  16. Think how boring life would be if you were married to anyone else. Really enjoyed this blog post and I only dropped by b/c Linda Grimes told me too. I always do what she says. This time she was spot on. I will be coming back to visit often.

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  17. Except for wanting to be in a book club and the accordian obsession, Charlie and I would get along grandly. My husband does everything he can to feign interest in my deep philosophical debates on the movie Avatar. And I thought we were so much ALIKE when we started dating. Turns out I just couldn't read his 'faking it' ;)

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  18. Oh, my gosh! This has certainly struck a nerve! Thank you all for stopping by. Apparently there are a lot of chalk and cheese people out there, and by the way, Sue, it is a Britishism, but I read a lot of English novels! Love to you all! molly

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  19. Great! My favorite part was Charlie's ordering. LOL

    I like how this was funny but not mean.

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  20. This is hilarious!!! And I must say, I think Charlie would drive me a bit bananas ... but I think he would get along swell with Mr. Jenners. In fact, Mr. Jenners and I were talking today about how wildly different we are!

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  21. Charlie sounds like a guy I could spend hours with and not notice the time.

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  22. Funny, and I can see a lot of truth in it.

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  23. Loved that ending. Deliciously amusing. :)

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  24. Ah, what a sweet post! I love your conversation in the car...it's very familiar...and we've only been married for 10 years!

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  25. I'm writing this down... I'm on husband number, my Englishman I met on holiday in Paris, and I need 'cheats'! Oh yes, I'm playing the marriage game for keeps this time. Your husband has a Powerpoint, mine (the engineer) has technical drawings. Did you see what he did to the lettuce to keep the kids out of the fridge? Pop over to mine, I'll put on the coffee...(beans are how I like my men -strong, dark with a hint of spice). http://www.vegemitevix.com/2010/06/10/lettuce-prey/

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  26. My brother sent me a link to this post with a note that it sounded an awfully lot like my husband and me. Except the roles are reversed. He's an engineer and I couldn’t understand what he does if my life depended on it. I'm a therapist with a spiritual bent and have written three books, none of which he’s read (says he's not a reader, which is true, but couldn't he at least read his wife's?).

    When something happens, he takes his sweet time to decide what he feels about it. I immediately know what I feel in a situation. (In psychology this is called a slow-responder and fast-responder and it is definitely chalk and cheese.) However, after fifty years, some of his traits have rubbed off on me and I guess some of mine on his.

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