Saturday, July 10, 2010

WITH THIS RING

I thought I was done. The children are both paying their own bills now, and I just assumed that once that happened, the parenting part was over. I thought that after offspring finish college, parents get to look forward to dandling grandchildren on their knees, and that’s it. I was not prepared for the next stage of parenting.

The needs of adult children, as it turns out, take a big bite out of the empty nester’s schedule. I didn’t realize that our children would need advice on their retirement plans, whether or not they should buy houses now before the economic downturn ends, or if it is a good idea to get dental coverage. And I forgot all about weddings!

Within the next twelve months, there will be two weddings in our family. As parents of brides, we suddenly realized the enormity of what looms before us. Did you know that there are companies out there who specialize in LIGHTING for weddings? Apparently, these days, weddings include special effects. One of our daughters wants to get married in a barn in front of a horse, and the other will be tying the knot in a winery. It’s complicated.

The disappearance of dowries, which generated sighs of relief for parents all over the world, has not benefited my generation of parents. Back then, all it took to marry a girl off was a respectably put together hope chest. I would love to send both girls out with a few sheep and some chickens. I would even throw in a few pots and pans. Instead, we have to grapple with wedding planners, musicians, decorative hay bales for the barn wedding, and large wheels of cheese at the winery. Decisions about guest lists and bridal parties must be made, and save the date postcards sent out.

At weddings I have attended recently, there have been singing brides, indoor fireworks, multi media presentations, stand up comedians, gluten free wedding cakes, signature cocktails, and multi lingual ceremonies. Not to mention wedding singers, disc jockeys, vegan entrees, and cake balls.

As I recall, my wedding was very simple and inexpensive. We had a few people in a little chapel, I had a very attractive off the rack dress, and my mother planned a very nice luncheon afterwards. The whole thing probably set my parents back a couple of grand. These days, weddings have become extravaganzas. During this next year, I will be talking with florists, caterers, and seating planners. I will be sampling sushi and cake balls. There will be meetings, long distance phone calls, and dancing lessons. It sounds exhausting, expensive, and a little exhilarating.


It takes a village. To plan a wedding.

20 comments:

  1. You and Hilary Clinton! Enjoy the wedding this weekend!
    Andrea

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  2. Whew! Weddings sure have become quite the extravaganza. I have friends whose children had destination weddings. That means that everyone has to fly to exotic locations for the wedding!

    It's almost as if everyone goes along for the honeymoon.

    Drink up those energy drinks! *clinks glass*

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  3. Energy drink! Great idea! I'm running out right now for a couple of cases of Red Bull! molly

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  4. Good luck, Molly! I got married last summer and I thought my mom and I would both lose it ... and our family is IN the wedding biz! Magic 8 Ball sez: deep breaths, gratefulness for having found love (or for you, your daughters having found love) will be key for you this year.

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  5. My son is getting married in 2 weeks. I have to say, him and his bride-to-be are being very smart about it all. They are having a very small, family only wedding in the backyard of her aunts house. They decided to spend money on their honeymoon instead. So, they will be going off on a mexican cruise for 7 days. And they are paying for the wedding and honeymoon mostly by theirselves. We just have to pay for the wedding dinner the night before. Good luck with your 2 weddings. I'm glad I only had one girl. :)

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  6. You are so right about children in their 20's. It's a lot more than we expect. I was totally unprepared for the unique challenges of this season.

    So plenty of empathy and sympathy, but absolutely no advice from this corner!

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  7. I'm almost afraid to ask. What's a cake ball?

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  8. I have to say that my wedding was an extravaganza, I made my bridesmaids crazy ( http://www.newdaynewlesson.com/?p=2441 ) and if I could do it again, it would be different. Ask your daughters to ask them themselves what will matter in twenty years. Most of the little details that are so necessary now in their eyes probably won't even be remembered.

    And congrats!

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  9. My brother spent £12.000 with a massive church wedding. My wife and I spent £1500 and took 16 people up to Gretna Green in Scotland on Friday 9/9/99 and was back by the Tuesday.
    Both worked really well, but like Susie said, what will mater in 20 years.

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  10. That should read £12000 for the brother. Gah, typo's

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  11. Wedings are now a total minefield and soooo expensive. I hope we will hear more about the forthcoming weddings - I do so love a nice wedding.

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  12. I had an off-the-rack dress, too. People suggested I sing too--because apparently the Bride needs more attention.

    Gotta say, a barn wedding and a winery wedding both sound beautiful.

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  13. Love your "About Me" by the way.

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  14. I loved my wedding, but I told my Dad that I also feel personally responsible if he doesn't retire at 65...lol

    http://www.thehoneyb.com/2009/11/our-wedding.html

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  15. Cake balls are delicious little balls of cake and frosting, covered in chocolate. Delish. I am so glad for all your input. As soon as this wedding is over, I will visit all your links! Thanks for the love and support! molly

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  16. You are in danger of shutting the barn door after the horse has bolted! I may be too old to give advice but I would ask myself WHY!! I have assured both my daughters than weddings are their responsibility ONLY! I have seen progress in most areas of social life but weddings seem to last as long and cost almost as much the ensuing marriage. Mad? Say NO!!

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  17. Arrrgh how terrifying! I hope my daughters elope!

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  18. Two in one year?????? Set a budget for each and that is it!!

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  19. The mother of 3 girls and having done one destination and 2 here(Dayton) I must say I am excited for you. I was sad when the last one was over. We loved them all. Charlie will be in his heights of glory to "give away" the girls and chatting with all the guest. Enjoy to the fullest, the memories are awesome.

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