Monday, April 5, 2010


My daughters will attest to the fact that a fashionista I am NOT. However, I feel qualified to comment on fashion trends, anyway. I read Vogue in the doctor’s waiting room, and I look at all of those People magazines when I am at the hair salon. I occasionally see an episode of “American Idol.” Here is what I, and probably many other women with good sense, wonder:

WHAT ON EARTH IS JIMMY CHOO THINKING? Those Chinese people who bound the feet of their women must have been Jimmy’s ancestors! Hobbling around in foot bindings can’t have been too much more agonizing than tottering along in five inch platform heels! I know, with short skirts, heels make legs look longer. But are long legs worth risking one’s neck for? For that matter, even DANSKOS are dangerous!

While I am on the subject, I feel that purse designers must also have a nasty streak. Handbags are no longer a small accessory for conveniently stashing a lipstick, a few dollars and a tampon. Do young women now really need enough room in their purses for a change of clothes, lunch, a dictionary, and a small dog?

WHY ARE TATOOS SO POPULAR? I just can’t understand this trend. Personally, I get tired of looking at the same pictures on my walls, and I like to switch things around once in awhile. I can’t imagine having to look at the same old butterfly on my hip year in and year out. And let’s face it—that lyric from your favorite song? In twenty years, you will look at your arm and wonder what those words MEAN.

Gladiators are apparently much admired by fashion designers. Straps that wind from ankle to knee are featured in every fashion spread I see. The girls in the photos look fine, but how does the average female keep those straps from sagging down around the ankles? And the dominatrix look is in again with all the spikes, studs, leather and flagellant appendages. It makes young girls look like Pit Bulls, in my humble opinion.

Who decides what becomes stylish, anyway? Is it Anna Wintour? How do these people make the decisions that will so affect our lives? I imagine all the fashionistas and style mavens at a meeting:

“What do you think about making shoes out of metal?”

“Better idea! Let’s start lining everything with sheepswool!”

“Ok, and here’s a great idea: let’s invent a teeny, tiny jacket that is completely useless and call it a SHRUG!”

“And let’s start putting the bras and underpants ON TOP OF THE CLOTHING!”

I am a wise woman. I have lived through mini skirts, bell bottoms, the ORIGINAL platform heels, Go-Go boots, ironing my hair, and the braless look. But here’s a note to today’s fashion designers:

If it could cause torn ligaments, hypothermia, indecent exposure, or puncture wounds, it isn’t fashion now, is it? Let’s be honest, IT’S SADISM!


  1. I loved this! My babysitter JUST emailed me that she just got a tattoo and wanted me to know before she picked my daughters up from school today. I hope she's willing to invest in bandaids! The part about the shrug is the BEST!

  2. Very funny!! I have been through all of this "stuff ' firsthand too. Do you remember pop beads and voluminous petticoats? Sharon Greenlee was expelled from 10 th grade for 2 weeks ' cause she rolled the waist of her pleated wool skirt up 4 inches until it shockingly revealed her knees... and she refused to roll it back down. Sharon was our heroine. We were strong on individual rights to bare knees back in 1958.

    Oh yes, I am seriously concerned about that hand growing out of your shoulder...but i respect your right as an individual to choose not to have it removed.
    Respectfully, Kristi
    PS I got a tattoo in Hong Kong in 1968 My Mother liked it so well that she got one to match in 1989 when she was 71. We were both stone cold sober.

  3. Well, I must say that the skirt roller had guts. And Kristi, the fact that you and your Mom got tatoos is amazing. My daughters have LOTS of them, and one of them had her ear fold pierced, along with the back of her neck! Thanks for the great comments.

  4. YIKES! You are forcing us to face our age! LOL I remember bell bottoms, pop-beads, mini-maxi skirts, and all of the rest from the first time as well.

    However, the "shrug" .. .not so new. I have one, it's a knit sweater, and it was handed down to my from my great-aunt who knit it for herself back in the 1940's--'shrugs' were very "in" way back then...a case of 'what's old is new again.'

    As far as the fashion shows and magazine spreads, seriously, do you every really see any 'real person' wearing any of that stuff out on the streets in day-to-day life? I don't. I've NO idea what these fashion mavens are trying to prove, but I do know this: anyone who buys into these concepts and purchases and wears the (outrageously-priced) stuff is only branding themselves as a follower ("sheep"), and not realizing how stupid they look while THEY THINK they look 'cool.'

    And the designer is laughing all the way to the bank.

    Great article, as always!

    Cheers, Liz

  5. After battling my feet problems, I wear "old lady" shoes now. I'm thinking of taking them down to the tattoo parlor and getting them a tattoo so they'll look fashionable.

    In school, I had my mother hem my uniform skirt 2 inches above my knees (told her it was okay) and then had to unzip my skirt and pull it down two inches on my hips and pull my sweater down over it until the 3pm bell rang and could zip it up and show my knees.

    C'mon Molly, let's go get our shoes tattooed.

  6. Oh you do make me laugh Molly. You say you have lived through the mini-skirt, bell bottoms etc - fashions that you will certainly live to see all again.

    If you'd like to visit my blog, I have a prolific blogger award with your name on it and don't forgot to enter my 1st blogoversary book giveaway.. X

  7. I thought maybe the shrug was just a sign of our times. "The economy sucks so lets use less fabric and charge more." But I guess it and everything else has been around before. Except most of this stuff was only worn by hookers on cop shows.
    The heels I daringly wear to church, but come home with aching feet, regretting my decision. But the desire to appear taller and thinner than I am tends to get in the way of my brainwaves.
    I'm with you with the giant purse thing. Most of them are too big to fit under the seat in front of you. They'd definitely have to go in the overhead compartment area. And then how would you pet your dog?

  8. First, I must stop laughing so I can type properly. Second, I'm reading your list and have noted I'm guilty of all the above (save the undergarments as outergarments thing). Third, I spent all of Sunday being annoyed by the ties of my (very high) platform espadrilles which kept doing strange things and always ended up flopping around my ankles. And forth, my cousin so kindly pointed out that he can still see the spot where my nose ring used to exist. Molly, I think you may be on to something!

  9. Well, you are all hilarious! And I feel older than ever!

  10. Hey, I finally got all my subscriptions moved over to my new account. So, I'll be once again, entertaining myself with your new blog posts!

  11. Fantastic blog. Really funny. You made me laugh a few times, MollyC. Loved the comment about purses big enough for dogs.

  12. I'm still waiting for the sack dress to make a comeback. There was one rebel in my high school too who was sent home for having a skirt one inch above her knee cap. Glad to have found your blog!

  13. LOL! Your post made me crack up. AS for tattoo's I have none and neither does my husband. I really don't get those either.

  14. I considered a tatoo, until my daughter told me that if I got one, she would refuse to go out in public with me. Thanks for the comments. I did love those tent dresses!

  15. Personally, I think it would be a blessing if they lined everything with sheepswool .... at least it would be comfortable!

    I am the least fashion forward person I know so I am unqualified to comment on any of this.

  16. Jenners, the funny thing is, neither am I, but I do it anyway!

  17. Congratulations, Molly, on your award in the Erma Bombeck writing conference. It may take longer than 10 minutes, but you're on your way to being famous! (My daughter's name is Molly, by the way) ;0)


Share this Post

Share your links easily.